Minutes for the Family Meeting of House 607

Meeting began as planned at 10 o'clock p.m. Pacific Coast Time.
In attendance:
Michelle with the Agenda
Tony with a smile
Patrick with his hat
Matt with no shirt.
Hugh invited the house cat, Clayton, to join and he accepted-staying by Hugh's side for the first part of the meeting.

Meeting in session:
Hugh wants to know if this is a shirtless meeting and starts taking his shirt off but doesn't. Michelle does the same thing but it's not as funny when you re-use someone's joke. Matt remains the only shirtless one.

10:05 pm.
First item on the agenda: CHORES.
We are messy and need to be better at keeping the place clean. agreed by all.
Matt draws a proposal for a chore wheel:

Tony, Matt and Hugh all vote in favor of implementing new chore spinner. Michelle Votes nay and Patrick still isn't in the living room so the proposal is not voted in, since the house runs on a unanimous form of government.

10:07
It is decided by all, after a discussion of possibilities, that the old chore wheel will be re-used because a lot of time was spent making the chores fair and balanced and also because the pointer part is really cool looking because it was designed by previous tenant Ben and he's good at that stuff.
Hana's name on the wheel will be changed to "Hanatthew" since Matt now lives in her old room.
Ben's name on the wheel will be changed to "Benichelle" since Michelle took Ben's room.
Matt completes the names with green sharpie, which he had borrowed from Michelle three minutes before and already rubbed in his bellybutton. Michelle tells him he can keep the pen. Tony says he will probably chew on it later. Hugh pets Clayton.

10:10
ITEM 2: Douchebaggery
Matt proposes and explains Michelle's idea for accountability with household cleaning. Everyone has to be someone else's "douche bag" and has to have their own "Douche bag."  If you are not doing your chores your "douche" will be responsible for heckling you about it. That way no one can ever be ganged up on and everyone will hate each other equally.
Patrick dislikes the idea but doesn't use his one veto power to object.
It is agreed by all that chores must be done by every Monday at 10 p.m. So at least we'll have a clean house for an hour on Monday nights.

10:20
ITEM 3: Kelsey's Birthday Party
Michelle explains the plans to have a tri-level birthday party for downstairs neighbor Kelsey. Each Flat will pick a country and have appetizers and Cocktails to represent the country of choice as well as dress up like the people of the culture. Patrick suggests being England and having bland food. Tony points and laughs at Hugh.
Ideas are tossed around and all decide to be Russia for Party.
Ideas include:
Hugh wants to play "man with the blocks" over and over on the tv because it will be fun- for him at least.
Cocktail ideas are: straight Vodka, Moscow mules, White Russians.
Food ideas: No food just Vodka
Michelle and Tony want to wear the big furry hats and coats as costumes.
Matt can't attend but wants the records to show that he was indeed invited.

10:30pm
ITEM 4: Katie
Michelle's old roommate and dear friend Katie is coming into town this weekend and Michelle asks that the boys not try to sleep with her.
Tony says Michelle has to share her friends, Hugh says she's not very nice for keeping Katie all to herself, Patrick says they have never told her not to sleep with their friends and in fact she can sleep with any she wants to,  Matt says she should start by banging all of the roommates and then invite her friends to do the same...the conversation gets a bit out of hand and everyone agrees that Matt's comment was inappropriate and even more so since he wasn't wearing a shirt.
10:34 Matt takes off his belt
10:34:30 Hugh smacks/whips Matt's stomach with Matt's belt. Twice.
10:35 pm. All agree to steer away from the s&m and back to the agenda.

10:36 p.m.
ITEM 5: Put Clayton on Craigslist (proposed by Michelle to stick to her theme of pretending to pretend to dislike him)
Patrick asks which section they would put him under.  "Escort" is decided.
.

10:40 Since Clayton was brought up, someone asks if he is staying or leaving with Ben. He is staying.
Michelle Wants to know if she has to clean the litter box because she doesn't even like Clayton/secretly wishes she wasn't allergic to him. Matt proposes that since they are both allergic to him they shouldn't have to clean the litterbox in exchange for ending all abuse towards the cat like sitting on him or wrapping him up tightly in blankets or pushing him down the stairs...
Patrick asks Matt if he can commit to that.
Matt pauses for two seconds before responding "no, I can't"

10:47
ITEM 6: DISHES and DISHWASHER
Michelle says she's going to make a magnet for the dishwasher one side reading "dirty", one reading "clean" so it can be spun around when the dishwasher is emptied so the house will know to put their dishes in the dishwasher instead of leaving them on the counter. Hugh doesn't think he can learn to turn the magnet.
A discussion of dishes begins and goes nowhere.
Matt stops paying attention when Patrick is speaking. Hugh is refused permisison to speak on the floor because he's English, Tony is texting someone-probably his girlfriend. Matt gets his Aderol prescription filled on Wednesday and apologizes for not paying attention. No one hears because they aren't paying attention.

10:54
ITEM 7: Everyone in the house, including Clayton should shave their head to prevent hair from clogging tub drain and covering floor because it's nasty.
Instead of head shaving, Patrick proposes a drain cover to catch hair. Michelle says she'll buy it and the vote is unanimous in favor of a drain strainer.
Hugh then decides to use his one veto power to veto the idea and everyone pouts while Hugh laughs evilly. Then Hugh realizes he may have made a terrible mistake.

10:56
Matt notices there are welts on his stomach.

10:56
Tony says he will buy all the TP and papertowels in the house. Matt explains that in America we don't understand that concept and asks what he wants in return. Tony says he wants a bj and all agree it's a fair exchange and vote in favor of the deal. Hugh wishes he hadn't used up his one veto power on the drain strainer.

11:00 a question about the price of beer comes up and Patrick explains how messed up it is that the consumer pays for recycling and the recyclers get money from what is recycled...or something like that. Patrick knows a lot of information most people don't think about and it's great. Michelle suggests the house terminates all recycling habits to stick it to the man.

Hugh brings up the clutter in the living room and all attendees realize  the room is shrinking as stuff builds along the walls and in fact the small space they are sitting in is all that is left of the room. The roommates all vote to mount the flat screen to the wall but no one wants to buy a mount.
Hugh doesn't think there is a need for four tables in one room. Patrick recounts and says there are only three.
Matt realizes they are all sitting around an ottoman and he states that he likes it very much and it is big.
Patrick says it's big enough to be its own empire. Patrick still doesn't see a problem with having so much furniture because it can be moved for dance parties and used to seat many board game players.

11:07pm Patrick says he is going to pick up VHSs this weekend to add to the massive collection of VHSs already taking up all the living room shelves. Michelle asks where they will go and he points to the last remaining spaces around the room. Matt suggests burning the vhs collection, Patrick says hell no. Tony wants to know why there is a need for more VHSs. Patrick explains because the other ones have already been watched. Michelle says burn them, then. Hugh wants less STUFF in the living room.

11:09
Patrick begins stacking furniture on top of Hugh. all agree that it is an excellent solution to the clutter problem and Hugh disagrees "because now, you see, I have become that which I hate." After those words he disappears beneath the pile of that which he hates... never to been seen again.

until 11:13pm:
Attendees decide to make a douchebag spin wheel. Patrick cuts up a beer box to use the cardboard while Tony makes each person choose a hand to pick the little piece of yellow paper that will reveal the picker's first "douche bag." Tony is Michelle's- Michelle is Hugh's, Hugh is Hugh's..oh choose again. Hugh is Matt's. Patrick is Patrick's.... Hugh claims this form of government doesn't work. Then attendees realize the system is the same as the circle they are sitting in and wish they had done that instead of wasting all that time playing "which hand" as tony held his fists out.

11 something p.m. The record player is started and the meeting is adjourned. Next time there will be a tape recorder because there were too many funny seconds missed in these meeting minutes.


Home sweet home in the Haight.
I think I'll stay here for a while longer.